I like to feel things.
I like to feel things unnecessarily.
I like to fall asleep
on top of the bed
with the window wide open
in the middle of winter.
I put cayenne pepper powder
in my fresh coffee grounds
before brewing and drinking
the entire pot of it.
I like
to stay friends
with some people
I don't like.
I'm obviously waiting
for my toothache
to become
completely unbearable
before I do anything about it.
I call ex-girlfriends
who I have unforgivably wronged
and am disappointed
when they answer my call.
And there are moments
I wallow in the pain
of staring directly at the sun,
however briefly.
I feel these things
unnecessarily
so that I am more than prepared
to feel all the necessary things —
joy, fear, companionship,
loneliness, hope, anxiety,
lust, apathy, laziness,
shame, guilt, pride,
being present,
being alive —
and be able to accept
and handle
and live with it.
All of it.
To live with all the necessary things.